Humor: Things I've Learned In Texas

I usually don’t forward or share these lists, but after living more than half of my life in Texas, marrying a Texan who gave birth to two little Texans, I consider Texas my home. I drive a pickup, carry a gun, have two big dogs, cook brisket, and sometimes start sentences with “hell.” Enjoy.

  • Armadillos sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.
  • There are 5,000 types of snakes on earth and 4,998 live in Texas
  • There are 10,000 types of spiders. ALL 10,000  live in Texas , plus a couple no one’s seen before.
  • If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.
  • ‘Twiced’ is a word.
  • People actually grow and eat okra
  • ‘Fixinto’ is one word.
  • There is no such thing as ‘lunch.’ There is only dinner and then supper.
  • Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you’re two. We do like a little tea with our sugar!
  • ‘Backwards and forwards’ means I know everything about you!
  • Djeet is actually a phrase meaning ‘Did you eat?’
  • You don’t have to wear a watch because it doesn’t matter what time it is. You work until you’re done  or it’s too dark to see.
  • You don’t PUSH buttons, you MASH them..
  • You measure distance in hours. Like its 6 hours from Houston to Dallas .
  • You’ll probably have to switch from ‘heat’ to ‘A/C’ in the same day.
  • ‘Fix’ is a verb. Example: ‘I’m fixing to go to the store.’
  • You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
  • Yes, Friday night high school football games is serious football!
  • You carry jumper cables in your car .. . .  for your OWN car.
  • There are only four spices: salt, pepper, Tabasco and ketchup..
  • The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip and sports.
  • 100 degrees Fahrenheit is ‘a little warm.’
  • We have four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, still Summer and Christmas.
  • Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past time known as ‘goin’ to Wally-World.’
  • Gravy is a food group.
  • A cool snap (below 70 degrees) is good pinto-bean weather.
  • A carbonated soft drink isn’t a soda, cola or pop. . . . it’s a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor. Example:  ‘What kind a coke you want?’
  • Fried catfish is the other white meat.
  • We don’t need no stinking driver’s ed . . . if our mama says we can drive, we can drive.
  • And the most important thing we learn growing up in TEXAS is… IN GOD WE TRUST
Tagged with:
 

Airline safety might be a good reason to require a basic grasp of the English language, don’t ya think?

News 8 has recently revealed serious flaws in the way the FAA licenses mechanics who fix planes. There is evidence of years of problems in testing these mechanics. There is also evidence that hundreds of mechanics with questionable licenses are working on aircraft in Texas. Now there is evidence of repair facilities hiring low-wage mechanics who can’t read English.

Twenty-one people were killed when U.S. Airways Express Flight 5481 crashed in Charlotte, North Carolina in 2003. The plane went wildly out of control on takeoff. One reason for the crash, investigators found, was that mechanics incorrectly connected the cables to some of the plane’s control surfaces in the repair shop. The FAA was cited for improper oversight of the repair process.

Tagged with:
 

Today at the Texas State Capital about 250 supporters of homeschooling and parental rights let their voices be heard in support of Texas Parental Rights Restoration Act (TPRRA) (HB 2084). We thanked the many Texas legislators that are fighting to support our rights and put an end to crazy lawsuits that, among other things, allow grandparents to steal children away from their parents simply because the parents choose to homeschool. Governor Perry is an ardent supporter of homeschool rights and was the final speaker. (I got the chance to meet him afterwards.)

Committee members have been contacted. At this point the most effective strategy is for these legislators to hear only from their own constituents asking for support of the TPRRA. If your state representative is part of the Human Services Committee, please call and ask him/her to restore parental rights in Texas by supporting HB 2084 in the hearing on Thursday.

For more details please visit the Right In Texas web site or the Texas Home School Coalition web site. Talking points are available here.

Tagged with:
 

Ponder 

“The America Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public’s money.” — Alexis de Tocqueville